A Lesson in Etiquette

Yo! Could you please get off your cell phone for like 5 minutes so I can assess your ass and/or give you some drugs? (... and by "your ass" I mean the familiar term for "you" not the actual anus, rectum, butt or butt cheeks although those are also possibilities) 

That's how I feel patients who won't get off their cell phones when I enter the room to care for them need be spoken to. This is a hospital for the love of all that's good and holy, not a club, chat room or bus stop. I demand some respect!

Sundowning

There are few things that make me sadder than seeing a confused old man in a pair of these mits. The look of hopelessness and confusion in their eyes as they ask you why you are putting these on them is enough to make you want to cry. We use these to prevent patients from pulling out their IV's, foley's and other bodily tubes.

Patients who sundown can potentially win themselves a pair of these gloves. They remind me of the mittens Micky Mouse wears which makes them even more depressing.

I had never heard of sundowning before becoming a nurse, but as I understand it, it is dementia that kicks in abruptly in the afternoon/evening and then goes away again in the morning. You might recognize this phenomenon when suddenly that elderly patient who you've been having such nice conversations with all day is now calling you a tooth fairy (in the best of cases) or trying to break your fingers (in the worst).

How'd I End up in the Psych Ward?

This somehow manages to summarize my last few days at work in just two simple images.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

3 for 3

My last three IV insertion attempts have all been successful! This is a real feat for me as my track record up until these past few weeks has been about 30%. Hooray!

When Your Patient Hates You

I was under the impression while in nursing school that your patients will generally appreciate you to some extent, but I have unfortunately learned the hard way that this is definitely not always the case.

I hate to stereotype people but I have found that there are some patient populations who share certain characteristics: burn patients are often drunks and/or drug addicts, transplant patients are nice but can be very anal, and gun shot victims are usually jerks.

Least Favorite Words

The four words I absolutely dread hearing come from the mouth of a patient are (in this particular order):

It could just be an anxiety attack or pain from an injury (shoulder or rib fractures to name a couple) but it also might be a freakin' heart attack, y'all. It's happened to me a few times already, and what follows that evil utterance is a barrage of tests which include:
1. EKG (which you hook up in a nonchalant manner to give your patient the impression that you do this all the time at 3:00 am)
2. Troponin labs (which will then have to be repeated every few hours, oh and it's fun to draw someone's blood under stressful circumstances when you're a new nurse and not a great phlebotomist so far)
3. Chest x-ray (also totally normal at 3:00 am)
4. You peeing your pants a little because you're afraid they actually are having a heart attack and that they just might code on you (#4 does not require an order from a doctor).

Let Me Help You Help Yourself...

Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that my patients sometimes think I am out to GET THEM? I felt like the mother of three very dysfunctional children today who were all convinced I was being paid mega bucks to inflict pain and suffering upon them (ah HA! ...the sadistic nurse! buuwahahaha!!).

When hospitalized and you are encourage you to do something like... walk, deep breath, remain NPO ... it's generally for a good reason: i.e. to prevent you from getting pneumonia, help you poop, help you not barf all over yourself (and myself, I aint gonna lie).

I hope I'm not crossing the insensitive tough love nurse line here but, I'm not here for my health y'all, I'm here for yours! Smooches.