Let Me Help You Help Yourself...

Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that my patients sometimes think I am out to GET THEM? I felt like the mother of three very dysfunctional children today who were all convinced I was being paid mega bucks to inflict pain and suffering upon them (ah HA! ...the sadistic nurse! buuwahahaha!!).

When hospitalized and you are encourage you to do something like... walk, deep breath, remain NPO ... it's generally for a good reason: i.e. to prevent you from getting pneumonia, help you poop, help you not barf all over yourself (and myself, I aint gonna lie).

I hope I'm not crossing the insensitive tough love nurse line here but, I'm not here for my health y'all, I'm here for yours! Smooches.

Top O' the Morning!

Who knew there were bars that opened at 8:30am catering to medical professionals and professional alcoholics? I had my first experience at such an establishment the other morning, and while there were definitely other nurses bellying up to the bar, there were also a few old and not-so-old men coming in for a good ol' shot and a pint to start the day out right. I never thought I could stomach a drink that early in the morning but really, when you're working nights, your world is upside down and inside out and your morning suddenly becomes the right time for a night cap.

"This Side Back"

It's hard enough not accidentally showing your crack when you've got your gown on the right way and you're behaving yourself, let alone when your a large female wearing it backwards, ranting and raving at the top of your lungs at 3 o'clock in the morning outside your hospital room. If you find yourself in this situation, take a 15-second break from abusing the nurses and doctors who are (trying to) take care of you and take a look down your front side (and maybe just say screw it and put a shirt on).

Sensational Week

For the second time in less than a month my patient was shackled to their bed and under 24-hour police guard (awkward!). Meanwhile, several other patients were also headliners and/or awaiting arrest. Watching the local news in the breakroom over lunch, I witnessed each patients' 15 seconds of fame then promptly returned to the floor to wipe their butts. 

What to do, what to do...

Does work, life, the weather, ever make you feel like this?

Well, at least we can say we're not handcuffed to a hospital bed (I hope you're not, reader) or getting slapped by a patient (true story). At least not today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Night of the Living Nurse

It's been far too long since I've been awake during the day. Today, coming off almost two weeks of nights I feel like my skin just might set fire from the light of the sun.

Sometimes I can't believe how hard this job is and I catch myself wondering, "Why in the world did I sign up for this?" But the good usually outweighs the bad from day to day. Looking into someone's eyes in the middle of the night, knowing they probably won't be around much longer (not that most of my patients are that acute), and trying to give them a little comfort from their physical pain and the pain and loneliness that comes from being in the hospital is heart wrenching. It's weird to share such intimate moments with "strangers."

Oh S*@$!!!

I had to give my first sternal rub today when I found my patient unresponsive in bed. Seemed she was sleeping so peacefully but, alas... no. A sternal rub is a type of painful stimulus one can apply when trying to wake an unresponsive patient (see green glove below). Try it on yourself and you'll agree it hurts (I just did). Others include pressing down on the nail bed with your fingernail, pinching/twisting the skin below the collar bone, and pressing on the (closed!) eyeball.

This was the first time I've ever gotten close to a code with my own patient and it was pretty intense. I think I heard someone call it a "soft code" which made me think of soft core porn but in life saving terms rather than sex movie ones.